Clumsiness thy name is Kirsty...

There’s nothing like that brief half second as you realise that you’re about to do yourself some damage. A brief moment when your brain freaks out but you can’t do anything because gravity, being the bitch that it is, and momentum are forcing you towards the floor. You don’t have enough time to react despite every being in slow motion. Time might actually stop for a second even though that’s a physical impossibility. Unless you’re an X-man or whatever.


Then impact.

CRACK.

Or in my case…

Crack, crack, crack, crack.

Another half a second passes before your brain registers the pain. The pain shoots through your entire body and you want to scream but you’re momentarily too shocked to do anything about it. Except swear. A lot. Then the nausea starts, you want to throw up but you realise you can’t even breathe properly because the pain is that intense.

Falling down sucks.

I was having a perfectly awesome day. I was about to get showered and dressed and take myself off to the supermarket for food and stuff when a nearby kookaburra took my attention. In my haste to get off the sofa, my toe caught in the bottom of my pyjamas (not the first time that’s happened) and before I could stop myself, down I went. Crack, Left knee. Crack. Right knee. Crack. Left hand. Crack. Right hand. And my hands hit the doors out to our balcony. I’m glad it’s made of sturdy stuff!!

So sigh. My left knee got away with a minor scrape. My hands appear to be fine. My right knee is the size of a large piece of round fruit. And man, does it hurt. Keep it straight for too long and it starts to ache, bend it and feels like it’s being stabbed with tiny little knives.

I probably could have filled a Terrimundi pot with pound coins the amount of times I swore. Some inventive swears as well. Most of them involving variations of the word that rhymes with duck.

Melodramatic? Yes, indeedy. And now I feel totally justified in doing very, very little this weekend. At least I’m able to laugh about it. The last time this happened (toe catching in pyjamas, falling over), I was already signed off work with sciatica and had no choice but to lie on the lobby floor until someone found me.

What sucks the most? It hasn’t even bruised! All the pain and nothing to show for it.